What I told my crankypants husband

"Hey! The squeaky wheel does not get the grease in this house. The squeaky wheel gets removed and left on the side of the road and a new wheel gets put on in its place. So back off!"

He stood there staring at me, silent and grinning. I am still in awe that it worked.

(Feel free to steal that line. It won't work on him a second time anyway.)